What Schizophrenia Is Like

Schizophrenia is a disorder known to cause hallucinations and delusions. And when you live with it, things can get frightening very quick.

In 2017, I had just had a stressful argument with my fiance and had gone upstairs for a glass of water. Seated at my table was a young girl with corpse colored skin, black hair covering her face. I don’t why, but at the time, I was convinced it was younger version of me that had come to kill me. I was terrified. So terrified that I ran out the door of my home screaming, leaving my fiance quite confused.

At the time, I had been diagnosed with bipolar and PTSD. I told my doctor about what I had seen. Soon after, I had been diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Here are a few things you may not know about this disorder.

1. Hallucination and Delusions Can Overtake You When You Least Expect It

Though stress and high emotions provoke hallucinations and delusions, sometimes it takes nothing to cause them. Or rather you may be feeling stressed out, but you don’t know why. Then, out of no where, you feel like aliens are stalking your home.

For me, these things would happen at inconvenient times (when is there ever a convenient time for delusions?), often happening at work. I would get frightened and leave, even though it would cost me whatever job I had at the time.

People would ask me why I just couldn’t control it. Why I couldn’t just convince myself that none of these things were happening. This leads me to my next point.

2. There Is No Controlling This Disorder

When you are no diagnosed with this disorder, you have to be put on medication immediately. Because there is no convincing your self that whatever delusion you’re experiencing or whatever hallucination you’re witnessing, isn’t real. At least, not for me.

Logic flees your mind in these situations. Front and center are very high emotions, which are confused for actual logic.

After being prescribed an anti-psychotic medication, which was administered as a shot, I began to feel more normal, more or less.

3. You May Not Be Able To Keep A Job

Different treatments work differently for different people, and schizophrenia is no different. Even with treatment, mild forms of delusion and rarely hallucination would still plague me. Eventually, I had no choice to apply for disability.

It was not something I wanted to do. I was scared that people would judge me for getting goverment provided income and some people did. But I had no choice. I couldn’t keep a job, and I needed to provide for myself.

This is a common situation for people with schizophrenia. ”
Schizophrenia is one of the top 15 leading causes of disability worldwide “(https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/schizophrenia.shtml).

That isn’t to say you should not try to work. You can still work part-time with disability and people who work fare better with this disorder. Disability benefits just acts as a safety net for people with this disorder.

Schizophrenia is a severe, confusing disorder marked by delusions and hallucinations. Hopefully, this post enlightened those who didn’t know much about it.

If you have schizophrenia, tell me about your experiences in the comments below. Follow my feed for more posts like this one.

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